“If you go to Hillford, people are like, ‘oh my god, you must be so hot!'”

In case you haven’t been hanging out on your couch Sunday nights indulging in some Ja’mie: Private School Girl, I’ve got the lowdown for any Chris Lilley newbies that are questioning whether or not they should watch this brilliant new HBO comedy about Hillford Grammar’s year 12 school captain created by the funniest Australian alive.

1. Hillford is the most expensive girls school with the hottest girls in Sydney.
2. Immy, Madison, Bella, Olivia, Morgan, and Alex are the prefects.
3. Quiche = pretty hot, but like, a step above hot
4. If you’ve got thighs that are rubbing together from fat, you need to think about what you’re eating, or maybe just accept the fact you’ll never be quiche.
5. Sometimes it’s just kinda better to let your friends go, like, just move on.
6. School captain means you’re pretty much boss of the whole school.
7. HILLFORD GRAMMAR RULES: PHONE OFF AND IN YOUR LOCKER. Three warnings and you get a Friday! NO coffee on school grounds.
8. Prefect promise = a promise that the prefects will stay prefects no matter what
9. Ja’mie is the mother hen of all the prefects.
10. Send Ja’mie selfies, whatevs
11. Most Facebook friends in the school? Ja’mie, obvs.
12. Raising money for the less fortunate = having the ability to get money out of people
13. The African immigrants in the western suburbs are really cute.
14. Ja’mie and the prefects need to get rid of some of those risqué dance moves or there could be trouble.
15. Most times everything is so random, but YOLO!
16. The boarders are rich girls that like live at the school, but they’re really kind of rural. And all of them are pretty much lesbians.
17. Don’t EVER bag Ja’mie’s tits (she had an eating disorder)!
18. The bus stop down the road = the place to go
19. The guys at Kelton Boys Grammar are like, the future leaders of the country.
20. MITCHELL = HOT NAME!
21. Pick Ja’mie up from school at 3:10, not 3:0-f*cking-7.
22. The Amex Card is for emergencies only. Like the new iPad.
23. Don’t touch Ja’mie’s Coke Zero
24. Ja’mie can be very persuasive when she wants to be…

Watch the pilot below, then once you’re addicted, “grow some tits and shut your f*cking face” (start episode 2).

(photo via Facebook)